Holiday Stress

It's time for the holidays and for many it is also homecoming. Not the homecoming where you return to your former high school or college where you are an alumnus, but instead an actual homecoming. This can be a time of much enjoyment with seeing all your family members however it can also be a time of much stress as well between traveling, getting gifts, and even reconnecting with family and friends. With this in mind I wanted to write a post about how to handle some of the stressors you may face this holiday season.

I think one of the biggest things you can do to reduce your stress during the holidays is do some compassion work; this is something I have to practice in therapy with clients in order for me to understand their emotions and where they are coming from. I do this by wearing something on my wrist like a watch or band which reminds to really try to understand where the client is coming from instead harboring negative emotions or a dismissive attitude toward them. According to the Dalai Lama, this first step to increasing your compassion is to remove and evaluate your anger and hatred as it is difficult to have compassion when those are present. A simple reminder to be compassionate with your friends and/or family may assist you this season with not only maintaining your sanity but also have smoother interactions as well. 

Recognize your vulnerabilities and plan accordingly. If you know that you need a cup of coffee in the morning to function, make sure you get that cup of coffee. If you hate shopping and large crowds, get your shopping completed before Christmas Eve. If your friends and family have different political or personal philosophies, devise a way to handle these conversations. Reduce the likelihood of becoming stressed by planning in advance for your vulnerabilities being exploited.

Maintain your self-care. Often for the holidays we are traveling and tend to abandon our self-care rituals like good sleep hygiene, exercising, or engaging in our valued hobbies. Remember that it is ok to take a breather and recharge your physical, emotional, and mental batteries (American Psychological Association, 2012). Here is a list of self-care activities to incorporate this holiday season.

Beyoncé

Be realistic in your expectations about how the holidays are going to transpire and be flexible. Everyone tries to be the superhero or Beyoncé during the holidays but remember you don't have to be. A slight deviation from the plans or family traditions does not ruin the entire holiday (Mayo Clinic, 2014).

Lastly, remember why you are there. You are there to enjoy the company of your family and friends.

What are your tips to make it through the holiday season? Comment below.

-BB

View From 30,000 Feet

30,000 ft viewpoint during my trip to the conference

Recently I attended a conference discussing how to better implement and integrate behavioral healthcare into primary care which I thought may be applicable to our everyday lives - I know this must sound fascinating to you but I encourage you to continue reading. One thing repeatedly mentioned was that at the beginning of the integration process there must be some sort of needs assessment in order to attain the view from 30,000 feet. In the moment I only related this concept to my future practice as a psychologist however after following @dailyoverview on instagram, I began to think how can we perform this needs assessment in our own life and gain the view from 30,000 feet. I think this is very relevant as we are often trying to build and fly the plane of our life at the same time and some guided direction of what our needs are may be beneficial.

Some of @dailyoverview posts

This is pertinent this time of year when everyone begins coming up with our coveted new year's resolutions; it makes sense to come up with ways to transform yourself during the ending of one sequence and the beginning of another (#NewYearNewMe). In preparation for this I am going to write a several blog posts about determining your needs, making relevant, attainable, value-driven goals, creating an action plan for those goals, and enacting and maintaining that plan. All of this starts with getting a better perspective and figuring out what we need.

So how can we get the 30,000 ft. viewpoint as well as perform our own needs assessment?

A "need" is a discrepancy between a present state and a desired state. For example, you need to achieve and maintain a  healthier BMI and as a result you need to drop 20 lbs. You need a GPA of 3.0 to maintain your scholarship however you have a 2.8, thus you need to make up for this deficit of 0.2.
A "needs assessment" is a systematic approach which focuses on determination of one's needs, prioritizing those needs, generating solutions to meet those needs, and committing to action to improve those needs (adapted from the U.S. Department of Education, 1995).


In order to do this you must first gather and analyze data from your life. I would start by evaluating your life in several different areas including, but limited to, the ones mentioned in any of these figures.







Ask yourself in whichever areas of your life you have selected:

(1) Am I satisfied in this area of my life?

• If "yes" move to next area, if "no" move to the next question.

(2) Where do I want to be in this area of my life?

• Evaluate your answer to this question carefully. If where you want to be in this area of your life requires divine intervention, calling in some big favors, and signing away your first-born child, most likely is not that realistic.

(3) If you don't fulfill this area of need in your life what will happen?

• This is the what will happen if you don't change question. If the answer to this question is serious (i.e., death), you may want to begin working on this need.

(4) What will your life look like if this need is fulfilled?

• This is the how will your life be different question.

(5) Generate other relevant questions to continue your needs assessment.

This is a good starting point however you should tailor this to your own life. The next post will discuss prioritizing your needs and developing achievable goals to meet your needs.

Living My Life Like it's Golden

Today I wanted to write another post about one of my favorite songs, "Golden" by Jill Scott. The song was released the summer before my senior year in high school and I would cue this song while driving to school everyday so it was the last song I heard before I got out the car to start my day.

In the song she discusses taking her freedom and living her life to its fullest potential. She sings about taking ownership of her freedom by pulling it off the shelf, bringing it along wherever she goes, it being a part of her. This is so important as we often allow others (family, friends, culture, etc.) to dictate what matters to us and/or determine how our moments, days, and even life unfold.

One of my favorite lines from the song states:

I'm taking my own freedom
Putting it my song
Singing loud and strong
Grooving all day long
I'm taking my freedom
Putting it in my stroll
I'll be high-stepping y'all
Letting the joy unfold

This line is powerful as when you live YOUR life in the manner you wish to live you are liberated and living life to the fullest.

My other favorite line is:

I'm holding on to my freedom 

Can't take it from me 

I was born into it

It comes naturally

This line is amazing as your freedom is a basic human right that no once can take from you. If someone or something is attempting to hold you back from your freedom, do you really need them or it in your life?

Overall the message conveyed is living your life like it matters. In the pursuit to break our barriers we must take a stand and live our life by our standards and not by someone's else. This is how you live your life like it's golden. What impediments are inhibiting you from living your life like it's golden?

-BB

Ending Relationships

Recently I saw a post on facebook stating:

"Stop being mad at people that you find out have wronged you. Just call it exposure. God has exposed them. Thank Him for it! Man this was confirmation for me today!"

This post coupled with Adele's "Hello" call attention to our interpersonal relationships.While I do not want to make this blog religious with the mention of God, I think this message is very relevant. Throughout our lifetime we have many relationships, platonic and romantic, and some of them are bound to end on bad terms. As a result of relationships that end on poor terms we may feel slighted, angry, abandoned, bitter, happy, hurt, and many other emotions. Sometimes we may even feel as if we are a failure due to the ending of the relationship and I think this quote can help with that notion of being a failure.

The quote begins with suggesting we stop harboring negative feelings toward those whom you have transgressions with. For me this is extremely difficult as I tend to hold grudges for a very long time. Then the quote goes on to state you have seen the person for who they really are. We often can be misled by what a person portrays themselves as being instead of who they really are and when we see them for who they are we sometimes don't like it. Be kind to yourself and realize that at one time you thought the person was someone that you wanted to include in your life based upon limited knowledge but when you saw THEM for THEM is when it didn't work out; therefore, it's not a failure, it's a learning experience.

Remember that everyone you encounter is for a reason and only stay in your life for a season. Sometimes that seasons can be brief, but in some cases that season can be your entire life if you are so lucky. In our pursuit to break barriers, many of our barriers are our interpersonal relationships and it's important to view the ending of relationships with others as not failures but learning opportunities and gained experiences.

What are your thoughts or feelings about ending relationships?

BB