Holiday Stress

It's time for the holidays and for many it is also homecoming. Not the homecoming where you return to your former high school or college where you are an alumnus, but instead an actual homecoming. This can be a time of much enjoyment with seeing all your family members however it can also be a time of much stress as well between traveling, getting gifts, and even reconnecting with family and friends. With this in mind I wanted to write a post about how to handle some of the stressors you may face this holiday season.

I think one of the biggest things you can do to reduce your stress during the holidays is do some compassion work; this is something I have to practice in therapy with clients in order for me to understand their emotions and where they are coming from. I do this by wearing something on my wrist like a watch or band which reminds to really try to understand where the client is coming from instead harboring negative emotions or a dismissive attitude toward them. According to the Dalai Lama, this first step to increasing your compassion is to remove and evaluate your anger and hatred as it is difficult to have compassion when those are present. A simple reminder to be compassionate with your friends and/or family may assist you this season with not only maintaining your sanity but also have smoother interactions as well. 

Recognize your vulnerabilities and plan accordingly. If you know that you need a cup of coffee in the morning to function, make sure you get that cup of coffee. If you hate shopping and large crowds, get your shopping completed before Christmas Eve. If your friends and family have different political or personal philosophies, devise a way to handle these conversations. Reduce the likelihood of becoming stressed by planning in advance for your vulnerabilities being exploited.

Maintain your self-care. Often for the holidays we are traveling and tend to abandon our self-care rituals like good sleep hygiene, exercising, or engaging in our valued hobbies. Remember that it is ok to take a breather and recharge your physical, emotional, and mental batteries (American Psychological Association, 2012). Here is a list of self-care activities to incorporate this holiday season.

Beyoncé

Be realistic in your expectations about how the holidays are going to transpire and be flexible. Everyone tries to be the superhero or Beyoncé during the holidays but remember you don't have to be. A slight deviation from the plans or family traditions does not ruin the entire holiday (Mayo Clinic, 2014).

Lastly, remember why you are there. You are there to enjoy the company of your family and friends.

What are your tips to make it through the holiday season? Comment below.

-BB

View From 30,000 Feet

30,000 ft viewpoint during my trip to the conference

Recently I attended a conference discussing how to better implement and integrate behavioral healthcare into primary care which I thought may be applicable to our everyday lives - I know this must sound fascinating to you but I encourage you to continue reading. One thing repeatedly mentioned was that at the beginning of the integration process there must be some sort of needs assessment in order to attain the view from 30,000 feet. In the moment I only related this concept to my future practice as a psychologist however after following @dailyoverview on instagram, I began to think how can we perform this needs assessment in our own life and gain the view from 30,000 feet. I think this is very relevant as we are often trying to build and fly the plane of our life at the same time and some guided direction of what our needs are may be beneficial.

Some of @dailyoverview posts

This is pertinent this time of year when everyone begins coming up with our coveted new year's resolutions; it makes sense to come up with ways to transform yourself during the ending of one sequence and the beginning of another (#NewYearNewMe). In preparation for this I am going to write a several blog posts about determining your needs, making relevant, attainable, value-driven goals, creating an action plan for those goals, and enacting and maintaining that plan. All of this starts with getting a better perspective and figuring out what we need.

So how can we get the 30,000 ft. viewpoint as well as perform our own needs assessment?

A "need" is a discrepancy between a present state and a desired state. For example, you need to achieve and maintain a  healthier BMI and as a result you need to drop 20 lbs. You need a GPA of 3.0 to maintain your scholarship however you have a 2.8, thus you need to make up for this deficit of 0.2.
A "needs assessment" is a systematic approach which focuses on determination of one's needs, prioritizing those needs, generating solutions to meet those needs, and committing to action to improve those needs (adapted from the U.S. Department of Education, 1995).


In order to do this you must first gather and analyze data from your life. I would start by evaluating your life in several different areas including, but limited to, the ones mentioned in any of these figures.







Ask yourself in whichever areas of your life you have selected:

(1) Am I satisfied in this area of my life?

• If "yes" move to next area, if "no" move to the next question.

(2) Where do I want to be in this area of my life?

• Evaluate your answer to this question carefully. If where you want to be in this area of your life requires divine intervention, calling in some big favors, and signing away your first-born child, most likely is not that realistic.

(3) If you don't fulfill this area of need in your life what will happen?

• This is the what will happen if you don't change question. If the answer to this question is serious (i.e., death), you may want to begin working on this need.

(4) What will your life look like if this need is fulfilled?

• This is the how will your life be different question.

(5) Generate other relevant questions to continue your needs assessment.

This is a good starting point however you should tailor this to your own life. The next post will discuss prioritizing your needs and developing achievable goals to meet your needs.

Living My Life Like it's Golden

Today I wanted to write another post about one of my favorite songs, "Golden" by Jill Scott. The song was released the summer before my senior year in high school and I would cue this song while driving to school everyday so it was the last song I heard before I got out the car to start my day.

In the song she discusses taking her freedom and living her life to its fullest potential. She sings about taking ownership of her freedom by pulling it off the shelf, bringing it along wherever she goes, it being a part of her. This is so important as we often allow others (family, friends, culture, etc.) to dictate what matters to us and/or determine how our moments, days, and even life unfold.

One of my favorite lines from the song states:

I'm taking my own freedom
Putting it my song
Singing loud and strong
Grooving all day long
I'm taking my freedom
Putting it in my stroll
I'll be high-stepping y'all
Letting the joy unfold

This line is powerful as when you live YOUR life in the manner you wish to live you are liberated and living life to the fullest.

My other favorite line is:

I'm holding on to my freedom 

Can't take it from me 

I was born into it

It comes naturally

This line is amazing as your freedom is a basic human right that no once can take from you. If someone or something is attempting to hold you back from your freedom, do you really need them or it in your life?

Overall the message conveyed is living your life like it matters. In the pursuit to break our barriers we must take a stand and live our life by our standards and not by someone's else. This is how you live your life like it's golden. What impediments are inhibiting you from living your life like it's golden?

-BB

Ending Relationships

Recently I saw a post on facebook stating:

"Stop being mad at people that you find out have wronged you. Just call it exposure. God has exposed them. Thank Him for it! Man this was confirmation for me today!"

This post coupled with Adele's "Hello" call attention to our interpersonal relationships.While I do not want to make this blog religious with the mention of God, I think this message is very relevant. Throughout our lifetime we have many relationships, platonic and romantic, and some of them are bound to end on bad terms. As a result of relationships that end on poor terms we may feel slighted, angry, abandoned, bitter, happy, hurt, and many other emotions. Sometimes we may even feel as if we are a failure due to the ending of the relationship and I think this quote can help with that notion of being a failure.

The quote begins with suggesting we stop harboring negative feelings toward those whom you have transgressions with. For me this is extremely difficult as I tend to hold grudges for a very long time. Then the quote goes on to state you have seen the person for who they really are. We often can be misled by what a person portrays themselves as being instead of who they really are and when we see them for who they are we sometimes don't like it. Be kind to yourself and realize that at one time you thought the person was someone that you wanted to include in your life based upon limited knowledge but when you saw THEM for THEM is when it didn't work out; therefore, it's not a failure, it's a learning experience.

Remember that everyone you encounter is for a reason and only stay in your life for a season. Sometimes that seasons can be brief, but in some cases that season can be your entire life if you are so lucky. In our pursuit to break barriers, many of our barriers are our interpersonal relationships and it's important to view the ending of relationships with others as not failures but learning opportunities and gained experiences.

What are your thoughts or feelings about ending relationships?

BB

Weekend Motivation!

Press Play

 

At times life can be boring and we often have many mundane experiences that causes us to reminisce on past experiences or encourages future-focused thinking about what life will look like after some event is complete. In fact, a 2014 study showed that we are so uncomfortable with our mundane experiences that we rather shock ourselves to deal with those experiences. Life can also be filled with bad experiences as well that evoke negative emotions causing the desire to again reminisce on past enjoyable experiences or think about what everything will look like in the future. Personally, I notice when I get frustrated with school, I begin thinking about all the experiences I have potentially missed due to being in school for my entire life or how life will be better when I finally graduate.

While "rewinding" to past experiences or "fast-forwarding" to future experiences is beneficial to some extent, it may cause more turmoil if done in excess. Many of my instructors have stated, "past-related thinking is the basis of depression and future-related thinking is the basis of anxiety." So how do we "press play" and stay in the "here and now?" And how do we deal with the present when it can be boring or aversive to us?

The first step is awareness. We have to be aware that life operates on a continuum with boredom on one extreme and excitement on the other. Life isn't about being at the extremes all time as our bodies would  not be able to handle the excitement every second of the day. We also have to be aware of the ebb and flow of life. Our emotions and experiences peak and valley all the time as they are like waves on the beach where they rise and subside. Start thinking about your thinking [yes, it does sound weird] and begin to identify when you are not staying in the "here and now."

There are many ways to work on how you can "press play" in your life which I will discuss on the blog but becoming aware is often the first step you have to take in order break any of your barriers.

Press Play in your Life!

-BB

Key of Life

Live your life in the key of your choosing.

Stop 2 Dream

Live in the moment and don't forget to think about where you want to be in life.

Seasons Changing

While walking though campus today I noticed the changing of the seasons as the trees were different shades of green, yellow, red, and orange. During this time I was reminded of one of the first questions asked during my clinical training, "what causes people to change?" The professor stated this will guide your work as a therapist.

My response was I believe people change because something has happened or they foresee something as going to happen. If they did not like the outcome of what happened or they do not like the anticipated outcome, as a result motivation for change will ensue.

While this is a rudimentary explanation, it is applicable to me based upon my experiences. I'm not writing this post to provide some great insight but instead I am writing to incite some curiosity on your behalf, what motivates you to change? Perhaps knowing this is another way for us to break some barriers of our own.

There's a definitive answer to why leaves change color (it's due to the breakdown of chlorophyll) however why we change isn't so explicit.

BB

Namaste

Namaste

Namaste is a Sanskrit phrase used as an Indian greeting to begin and end conversations. It has various translations including: "the God in me greets and meets the God in you;" "I honor the spirit in you that is also in me;" and "my divine soul recognizes the divine soul in you." Though these translations are inline with Hindu faith from which the phrase originated, this not the meaning of namaste. It literally means "I bow to you."

I'm sure by now you are reading this thinking, "why is he talking about namaste?" I wanted to mention this because in the previous post I discussed developing a negative into a positive picture which I can do within my life however when it comes to my dealings with others, maintaining a positive picture is difficult. It is very easy for me to apply the negative filter and only see the aspects of that person I don't like or care for which is normal for us as humans. So how can I be more compassionate and develop a more positive frame of mind when working with others?

Namaste may be a good starting point. Regardless of the various translations, the connotation of the word means that you respect, honor, and not place yourself above the person. It requires you to acknowledge that the other person is human and you have to reduce your ego in the presence of another person. This can be difficult as it is hard to remember that others are human and flawed just like you especially when they do not fulfill your expectations, even though they are YOUR expectations and NOT theirs.

So in my continued growth, perhaps by recognizing and honoring the divine in everyone I deal with may help me stay grounded and remember they too are human with imperfections like me.

What are some ways you stay grounded and recognize the human in others? Comment below.

Namaste

-BB

Develop a Negative into a Positive Picture

".....'develop a negative into a positive picture' is a line from my favorite song and ever since I heard that line when I was 11 years old, it has echoed throughout my life. That ideal of making the best out of a situation has led me to believe that everyone is entitled to the best life that they can live and we are all a work in progress."

This is how I began all my personal statements when I applied to master's and doctoral programs because the words have meant so much to me. As stated, when I heard this song ("Everything is Everything" by Lauryn Hill), specifically this line when I was 11 it resonated with me because of its powerful message.

While Lauryn Hill was discussing the barriers and injustice that many face with the outlook that everything will get better, I interpreted this song to mean changing your perception of a situation to see the silver lining or positive side of it. We can often look at life through a negative filter only identifying and enhancing the negative aspects. Life has non-enjoyable experiences however solely focusing on those moments makes us miss the good ones. In doing so we can develop a negative, hopeless outlook of our self, future, and world.

How can we work on this? Begin identifying when you are examining things with a negative filter and look for evidence to support or refute your claim. You could challenge yourself to identify all the positive aspects of a situation as a way to combat the negative filter and enhance, instead of diminish, the positives of a situation. These are only two of many methods to enhance your positive thinking and trying to modify your filter takes time and will not change immediately. Not all situations have a positive side however solely focusing on the negative and diminishing the positive could lead to increased mental health difficulties and a reduced quality of life.

-BB

Welcome

Welcome to Breaking Barriers!

Life can often be filled with various stressors that inhibit our growth and keep us from achieving the life which we want to live. Given these many barriers hinder us from attaining our dreams, goals, or living a life congruent with our values, it is important to be able to break free from these barriers which is the focus of this blog. Breaking Barriers intends to offer tips, skills, strategies, and elicit conversation in order to assist you in maximizing the likelihood that you will break the barriers that are impediments in your growth in life.

-BB

Legal Disclaimer: The information presented on this blog is not a substitute for professional advice (e.g., medical doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor or attorney). Topics discussed on Breaking Barriers  are intended to serve as general information  with respect to common life issues and this information is offered in the spirit of beneficence and nonmaleficence. You assume the responsibility of any decisions and subsequent consequences taken after reading the information presented on Breaking Barriers. As such, you agree not to hold Breaking Barriers or any associate of Breaking Barriers liable for any loss or cost incurred by you, or any person related or associated with you, as a result of implementing the discussed techniques offered by Breaking Barriers.